Salty Storylines: Ragnaros Season 9: Mid-Season Edition!

What’s up, THL? As expected, this season of Ragnaros League has been quite the showing. If you haven’t been enjoying yourself this season then you’re obviously a Dirty Dad, Noob, or Pod person (RIP us FeelsBadMan), otherwise shit’s been lit. After 5 weeks of play we see the big hitters have been hitting big, some hopeful squads have disappointed, some rookie teams have established dominance, and the meme team has almost brought in two weeks worth of points. Nade and rebobson brought you their preseason predictions here, and HockeyBoyz3 (aka TennisBoyz) joins Nade this week to update y’all on what’s been going on and to forecast the future of this firestorm known as Season 9.

As always, we’d like to remind our readers of a few things before we begin:

1. This is not an official power ranking. This is meant to highlight some of the interesting storylines this season has to offer based on league history up to this point.
2. We don’t know everyone in the League, there’s lots of new players out there, so we apologize in advance for the lack of mentions for some of you due to little or no information for us to work from.
3. The opinions in this article are based solely on those of the authors, and not the THL board. We may tend to be crude or a little dramatic at times, but know that it’s all in good fun.
4. The authors of this article have hit Legend rank irl after being the only two people to decline their invitations to the Royal Wedding and therefore are more smarterer than you.

Let’s have at it.

HockeyBoyz3: WTF how did both of you not say that Thermic Whims was going to win the division. This group of studs led by the one and only SwittersHS is scorching their competition, having the most points ever at the midway point in this season. If they can keep up this pace of 20.2 points per week then they will break the THL record of 179 points in a single season. Here is an actual photo of the Whim’s season. Not seen in the previous picture is Jumbo Skrimps who tripped at the starting line and are still trying to get up. While their point total looks like that of someone who jumped a cannon ball in an olympic diving competition there are some bright spots in the roster notably: Avi, Freeloader, Dr Dr8del and RCIX. The Next Level of the Blue Division contains Team Next Level. While the team isn’t doing incredible the whole team is doing their part with everyone hovering around a 50% win rate with Tri leading with a 3-2 record. If Team Next Level wants to make the playoffs they’re going to have to take their game to the next level. Xnergy last season was the equivalent of the 1980 Miracle of Ice Hockey team, nobody thought they would get that far. Xnergy this season is the equivalent of the 1984 USA hockey team. The only thing that Noob Central has taught me this year is that Nade should have stayed in retirement.

Nade: Well, despite the fact that you should usually trust flat earthers, looks like rebobson and I actually got something wrong for once: X isn’t gon give it to ya. That Easter basket was turned upside down out on the table, the gourmet chocolate delivered its sweet taste of victory, and the remains were dumpstered. Blue Division’s gonna need to go on a beer run; looks like a lot of teams will be joining those Noobs on the bleachers this postseason.

HockeyBoyz3: The closest division by a landslide every team here has a chance to make it. That being said it’s very easy to tell which teams aren’t going to make it. Dirty Mike & the Boys don’t spell their name the cool way :sunglasses_emoji: and Really Nice Guys will just let the other teams take their playoff spot since they’re all really nice guys. Collective Mayhem are leading the pack now that Durden is actually having a good season and having learnt how to submit their intended classes. Prep Coin Concede is not far behind eviscerating any opponent that tries to stop them. TheChronic is leading this Sinister Strike with an impressive 4-1 record. It will be interesting to see if this team can sprint through the finish line or if they’ll vanish from the playoff race. The spiciest team in Purple division :hot_pepper: is on the outside looking in on the last playoff spot. Ironfire recently finished top 8 at Dreamhack Austin and will be trying to bring that experience into THL. Otherwise he could get swept by a nerfed deck again.


Nade: We all know how humble I am and I won’t say “I told you so.” But what I will say is that as I predicted 5 weeks ago this is the division that was going to have the closest race (that’s exactly what it’s become with only a 19 point spread between 1st and 5th), this will be the most exciting division to watch, and I fucking told you so. Just look at how close these teams are sitting. I anticipated Purple would take a majority of the playoff slots in this conference, and with its top 4 teams sitting in the top 5 in Blurple I’m confident that’s exactly what we’ll see. Props to Purple for keeping it competitive, and we anxiously await watching who will come out on top.

Nade: Wow. Lots of surprises here (all except Vote of No Confidence). This VONC road trip has experienced some road rage and they are showing no mercy. Hot damn. Maple Syrup Inc. has done a great job answering my preseason question, which is: “Yes. You bet your ass we’re serious.” ATL let their southern hospitality get into the way of sending their opponents to the hospital. Defias has some capable combatants playing like it’s the Pro Bowl, and as far as our ferocious fathers go: Dad doesn’t have time for games right now. I usually have more to comment on at this point but given these numbers Red boils down to some pretty simple concepts: VONC wins it, and MSI and ATL have a tough fight for a playoff spot. D&D aren’t mathematically out quite yet, but at this point I’d focus on a coasting casually along into postseason to reorganize our game plan for next season. Four weeks of Hail Marys gone right is a tall order, and at some point you just run the clock. Now let’s pretend I’m a good captain, what would I say? Fucking go for it.

HockeyBoyz3: Overseeded my ass. If you don’t count my losses then I’m undefeated and carrying the rest of Vote of No Confidence to success never seen before by a THL team with a member called HockeyBoyz3. For all other captains and hopeful future captains here are a couple tips to having great success as a team: 1) Know your priorities 2) Make sure the team likes each other. The rest of Red division can be split into two tiers: Teams that are fighting for the last three playoff spots and teams that start with the letter D. Maple Syrup Inc. and ATL is the most fierce battle between Canada and America we’ve seen since the tariffs last week. It’s only fitting that the team that represents reaching rank 5 is 5th in the division.

Nade: ”Dear veteran THL squads. We’re better than you. Sincerely, rookie squads.”
The message is loud and clear. BRF and the Pain Gang have came to play. To quote myself from last article, “I’m certain these two teams will come in swinging and really put up some impressive numbers quickly.” Darkseid and TheTownDrunk: you’ve made me proud with these squads. Nicely done.

So Orange is a little closer than Red. At this point, The Pod People can count themselves out and take it easy. Even though math doesn’t like Mox, this spread is a little more forgiving for them. Stubbies have been underperforming but you can never count them out, we know they have it in them. So the question is: “How the hell do we stop these invasive species from claiming this territory as theirs?” If I’m being honest, I don’t think we do. Mox and Stubbies will put up a good fight, but I predict these standings to look the same come conclusion of Week 9. If Pain Gang and BRF don’t make the finals I’d be shocked, but I’d have much respect for the team that takes that away from either of them.

HockeyBoyz3: For a team called <message deleted> BRF they only have a 1-1 record against board members. Nevertheless they are sitting solidly in 3rd and should finish with a playoff spot. Teams losing, I mean playing, against Saronite Pain Gang often ask themselves ⛏ HOW LONG ⛏ CAN THIS ⛏ GO ON ⛏ .  This team full of rookies led by the marvel knockoff villain Darkseed is showing the rest of the league that new talent is the best talent. The playoffs hopefuls in this division are the Texas Stubbies, whose name I can only assume is a reference to the cactus deforestation issue in Texas, and a team who stole their name from a cycling group. 💩💩💩💩💩

And now comes the hard part where we have to combine some conflicting thoughts and predict the playoff race. Here's our final stance:

Blue / Purple

1.    Thermic Whims
2.    Prep Coin Concede
3.    Collective Mayhem
4.    :hot_pepper:

Red / Gold

1.    Vote of No Confidence
2.    Saronite Pain Gang
3.    BRF
4.    AlwaysTopdeckLethal

Grand Finals:

Vote of No Confidence beating Prep Coin Concede.

If you don't agree with any of our predictions, click here!

- HockeyBoyz3 and Nade