 Greetings, traveler, and welcome to Salty Storylines: Mid-Season Edition of Ragnaros League Season 8. In case you missed it here, Markshire and Nade wrote a preseason edition of Salty Storylines just before the New Year turned, in order to share our reactions to the new divisions and make some predictions. Five weeks of battle have passed and we’re halfway through the catacombs; let’s take a look at how close Markshire’s opinions were to fact, how wrong Nade was about everything, and how wrong the ghost of FollowDurden thinks Nade is about righting his wrongs. Blue Division Standings:
Markshire: Last season’s champs Texas Stubbies appear to be suffering from a sophomore slump, as they only have 62 points and a mere 1 series win to their name this season. They haven’t gotten good production from anyone except captain DrMandingo in the 5 seed. Defias aren't doing much better, but are hoping to turn their season around after picking up rookie S3NP4I as a 3 seed, and of course riding Twizz’s undefeated record out for a couple more weeks. HSA has seemingly returned back to championship form and are leading the pack. Bluesombrero’s knowledge of parliamentary procedure as well as the current meta have guided him to a 4-1 record this season, and he’s had a lot of help from the rest of his team: every member of HSA is in the positives in game win percentage this season. It’s likely that HSA will ride this one out to a division title, but DMB and RNG aren’t too far behind and could make things interesting come Week 9. Nade: This one’s close… like Lieutenant Pyle making it into the 0300 (Infantry), kind of close. I’d love to see the RNG newcomers take this one, but their only hope might be if HSA and DMB pick up their M-14s and start reciting the Rifleman’s Creed. Meanwhile, Stubbies and the Brotherhood continue forward singing the Mickey Mouse March, glad to be alive, but we all know how this war ends. I see HSA taking this one, and I’ll be rooting for RNG to slide their way in behind them. Durden, lurking… What in the hell is Nade talking about “close”?... or am I just missing the movie reference? This division is a wrap, unless HS does #HSthings. HSA has a cakewalk of a schedule left, as they still have Defias and Maple Syrup Inc. to pad their lead even further with. The DMB Dynasty declarations were too early. The Really Nice Guys are being just that and letting other teams take playoff spots. The Stubbies apparently felt one championship was enough and must all be practicing for a Gwent tournament. Defias aren't Hombres-level bad, but it’ll take a heater for them to get back in the hunt. This was a hyped division preseason, but all the drama feels like it’s left the room. {editor's note}: Pyle making it into the 0300 was close as fuck. This division is not. C- for your movie reference Nade, see me after class. Pre-Season Notes / Predictions for Blue Division:
Mid-Season Adjustments:
Red Division Standings:
Markshire: The Red Division has been defined by the dominance of Thermic Whims this season: they are 5-0 and have only dropped 6 matches total so far. They also have two players that were on the season's inaugaral Player Power Rankings in Brewski and Maikel. Red seems all but locked up at the moment, but new captains Jammies and Nate have led Team Next Level and Thunder Gun Express to solid seasons so far, and there is still hope for a wild card finish. The lone bright spot in Xnergy’s season has been 2 seed BoomBoomHall’s 4-1 record, where he boasts a 68% match win rate. At the bottom of the pack is Maple Syrup Inc., where captain Chiggmo has made the bold move to remove himself from the roster in favor of rookie Woodford. Nade: This. Is. Sparta. Sorry, Thermicsville. Leonidas and his Spartans (aka Switters and the Thermic Whims), have shown the Persians (aka Red Division), that no matter what they do they just won’t come out on top. Team Next Level and Thunder Gun Express still have a chance to pull some sneaky Ephialtes type stunts to weasel their ways to glory, while Xerxes (I mean Xnergy), sits comfortably dead atop a throne of defeat. Maple Syrup Inc. is doing exactly the same thing they were doing in 480 BC: not even existing. RIP to that thick sugary sweetness. Will be fun to see which of the remaining squads earn their honor as this Battle of Plataea comes to conclusion. Durden, from that dark corner in your bedroom… Someone remove Nade’s Netflix account. He still needs Skin-a-max for Saturday, but this is getting out of control. According to his metaphor, Switters only has days to live and the Whims will all be dead by Sunday, which means great things for the rest of this conference as this team has left a path of destruction in its wake. It’s already destroyed its division rival this season in Team Next Level, who do at least find themselves in control of their own destiny for a playoff spot. Thunder Gun Express does close the season out vs. Defias in Week 9, which could mean the postseason for them. {editor's note}: Thermic Whims updated their demolition to 6-0 since time of writing. They dropped 1 more match. Can we go home now? N.B: THL does not condone the cheering of a division rival's brutal, bloody death in battle, regardless of how unfair playing against them feels. Pre-Season Notes / Predictions for Red Division:
Mid-Season Adjustments:
Purple Division Standings:
Nade: Remember when Tommen Baratheon thought his mom was cool? Remember when Jordan Belfort thought he could drive home that night? Remember when Nade thought he built his championship team? Bless the poor souls of these troubled young gentlemen. In this Game of Frozen Thrones we see the Spicy Boys currently as the Frostwolves of Purple Street while the Noobs humbly remove their crown of confidence and jump out the fucking window. Team Swagoi and Team Mox trail close behind the Lich Boys as they fight to overcome the spicy icy throne, while The Poo People are distracted taking yellow snow to the next level. Bold prediction: Swagoi claims the throne by the end of the season, while Team Mox overcomes Spicy Boys to take second in the division. Markshire: I don’t know what’s a better storyline for Purple this season: Swagoi’s real life tournament success translating to THL, rookie team Spicy Boys overcoming what may or may not be a misspelling of their team name on the website en route to a division-leading 85 points, or the Noobs being a bigger disappointment than Ryan Leaf. Durden, from somewhere far beyond the grave… If you’ve been reading my weekly notes in the Ragnaros Power Rankings, then you’ll know of my love for the Spicey Boys. And, they’ve vindicated me with a hot streak here in the middle of the season. That “e” is there for a reason in their name, and it stands for ex-a-fucking-lence. Swagoi is losing steam, and Mox has a solid roster top to bottom. This division will be one to watch, for sure. The Pod People have fallen out of contention and someone forgot to tell the Noobs the season has started. {editor's note}: It's Spicey you two miscreants, Nade even interviewed one last week. Why do I even pay you? Meanwhile, Swagoi stuck to the Durden script, losing steam by promptly deconstructing the Bad Hombres' very soul. Pre-Season Notes / Predictions for Purple Division:
Mid-Season Adjustments:
Gold Division Standings:
Nade: One man’s trash is an entire League’s treasure. In the preseason edition, I pointed out the confusion of this division’s color and considered it garbage, but these teams have truly established themselves as Gold. Though I was completely wrong about this being a dumpster fire, there is one thing I got right about the division formerly known as “Vomit Emoji”: it has absolutely been the most fun to follow. ATL is finally displaying the talent their roster truly possesses, while we have the best race in the league with BloodBath & Beyond, Prep Coin Concede, and Project Mayhem right up there with them. Not as entertaining as a Garbage League production, but holy shit these teams are awesome. Props to a great show so far. Oh, and it looks like I forgot to do a movie reference in this one… uhhhh... “Dude, if you get the nachos stuck together that’s one nacho.” Okay, there we go. Markshire: This is one of the tightest division races yet, and it could realistically go to any team not named the Hombres by the end of the season. I’ll be especially interested to see who comes out ahead between the tied BloodBath & Beyond and Prep Coin Concede, and if their meta prediction skills are any indicator, Gold will be going the way of reckless violence and affordable home decor items. Durden, an ethereal, disembodied voice, that haunts your every waking moment and taunts you in your dreams… PCC is the hottest team in the league not named Thermic Whims, and they’re not even the division leader at this moment. That’s how insanely fun this division is right now. This is a division that has had 3x different points leaders in the last three weeks. Seriously. In one week, Project Mayhem went from leading to out of a playoff spot if they started now. Probably because they have the worst 4-seed in all of THL, but that’s another story... {editor's note}: Some 12 minutes after writing this, Markshire & Durden's Project Mayhem promptly lost to Noob Central. I guess somebody told them the season started. Pre-Season Notes / Predictions for Gold Division:
Mid-Season Adjustments:
With three weeks and change left to go, we’re looking at thirteen teams with legitimate shots at the playoffs, with another three teams in a position where they could get hot and sneak in. That’s 80% of Ragnaros League with their hopes still alive. The conference that had all the preseason hype - Red / Blue - is the one with the least amount of drama, while Gold / Purple is the conference where a majority of it’s teams have 70+ points and each of their division leaders have less than 10 point leads. One former champion is back to its position at the front of the pack (HSA), the New England Patriots of THL (Dirty Mike and his progeny) didn’t even wait till the Super Bowl to let everyone down, and the Whims are proving to everyone that last season was no fluke. Our bold predictions? Blue / Red :
Purple / Gold :
The pleasure was ours, -Markshire, Nade, & the ghostly apparition formerly known as FollowDurden. {editor's note}: All inconsistencies found throughout the article are the result of the document being haunted by the conniving twit that became of FollowDurden, who edited several key points to his liking. We have elected to keep these, in order to preserve the spirit of Salty Storylines, where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Find them all to win a prize.
{editor's note note}: There is no prize.
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