Welcome back, THL, to the Player Power Rankings! Every 2 weeks, rebobson and Shunsui21 will take you through their list of the top players in Sylvanas League, using mainly data but also a little pinch of subjectivity. Meanwhile, in those alternate weeks, Markshire and HockeyBoyz3 will take you through their own player rankings for Ragnaros League! Every week, the active pair will recognise one player for a unique accomplishment, tied to performance or not. You will just have to tune in each week to find out what it is! Finally, just to round things off, every week Nade will be interviewing one featured player in order to find out more about what fuels their fires in Tales of the Mighty. We hope you enjoy reading!
1) Switters - Toliwag's Disciples (7-0; 21-6)
Switters: a name which seems to grace these pages with a near infallible regularity. Who is this legendary creature? How is one man capable of such mythical feats of power? What, if anything, is his Kryptonite? Are we all doomed to a life of servitude under this card-wielding demon, or is there yet hope for his defeat? Only time will tell, however, I am getting my shackles ready just in case. All hail our Switterian overlords.
2) Wolfmack - Xnergy (7-0; 21-6)
Fourscore and many season ago, Im certain there was challengers that were afraid of the Big Bad Wolf. Whether it was in the booth spitting hot fire or in the camera on TMZ trust you me: X Gave It To Em!! That brings me to my next ‘Person of Interest’, remaining vigilant enough to stay undefeated takes extreme concentration. Not to mention the opponents he has had to tackle, out swagg, over maneuver, and be better than in order to take the throne in these games. You will be receiving a challenge to a Shadow Duel from me soon my man, hope your Millenium Items are up to date. Two duelists this season were a cut above the rest and with mimicking records you are you of them. You will have to have a nerd decathlon betwinks you and i to see who is the real King of Games!
3) CARY - Team Next Level (6-1; 19-9)
It's a good job Team Next Level have this guy to CARY them! Hah. Get it? Get it?!
You used to laugh at my jokes, Karen. I just don't think you love me anymore. It's Derek from work, isn't it? Isn't it?! Just because I spend more time writing increasingly self-deprecating and obscure Player Power Rankings articles than I do asking you how your day was, doesn't mean I'm not a man with hopes, dreams and emotions! THIS ISN'T THE LAST YOU'VE SEEN OF ME, KAREN!
4) Ozmanaut - Tan Pam's Surf Slam (6-1; 19-10)
Overcoming obstacles is something this duelist takes pride in. Watch out before you activate his trap card, it could be your downfall. Nevertheless, stringing together a six week win streak is a great accomplishment. Approaching every duel with extreme confidence, laser focus, and maximum preparation keeps him with a sharp edge. His fearlessness rubs off on his teammates and keeps morale up and he is always is up for a duel. He is a Stubbie through and through and that’s real.
5) Bunnyman1400 - Team Black Lotus (6-1; 18-10)
Bunnyman1400: Dear reader, like me, I know exactly what you are thinking. Is it a man comprised of 1400 bunnies, or is it 1400 different individual bunnymen? When did he decide to part ways with Echo? Did the Killing Moon have anything to do with it? Here at the Player Power Rankings, we ask the hard-hitting metaphysical questions, and I can assure you that within several decades, we may come slightly closer to the answer. Until such a time though, we shall have to settle for a brief examination of the mysterious furry manboy's Hearthstone record: It's pretty good. Clearly carrots are the answer for any player looking to up their game.
6) RedditGoat - Thiccbois (5-2; 19-9)
A goat with a 19-9 record? You gotta be kidding me!
No-one? Please come back Karen, I miss you. All I have left are terrible jokes.
The RedditGoat is a most peculiar semi-domesticated animal, which resides atop the hills of Uzbekistan. It's mating call sounds suspiciously like an 11 year old boy expressing a desire to fornicate with your mother, while its most unusual self defense mechanism is to punch you in the dick, then teabag you as you write in agony. These animals are dicks. Just like Karen.
7) Nate - Tan Pam's Surf Slam (5-2; 19-10)
Whether it’s working 13 hour shifts until 3 a.m or being a personal chef/ jungle gym for his children, Nathan gets the job done. Nate also has many knick-knacks, do-dads, and do-hickies, but always has his lunch pail, hard hat, and steel toes ready to go. It’s business never personal wit' this duelist, I was his teammate and he had no mercy when we played a few days ago. Although I couldn’t bring myself to use my Millennium Items on my teammate turned captain it was truly a clash of the titans. Ggs broseph. Good luck, and have bacon in your upcoming duels.
8) Jammies - Team Next Level (5-2; 18-10)
There were almost 1000 pajama jokes I wanted to load up; I know because I googled them. It ranged from strawberry jams, John Jacob Jammies, jams galore, NBA Jam, and a very nice picture of Mrs. Clause in jammies. Either way this duelist has all-star potential, is a force to be reckoned with, and he holds it down for his squad. Do what you need to do in order to be at the top of your game if you come across Jammies. He will take you out with the trash.
9) xEmissary - Thiccbois (5-2; 17-11)
I find it a personal affront that xEmissary does not ply his trade for Team Xnergy: I'm sure many more teams would be more receptive to receiving X, were X represented by an xEmissary to xnegotiate the xterms of xengagement. Until such a time as X is looking extra Thicc, juicy, and diplomatic, I refuse to talk about the matter any further.
10) Donde - Team Next Level (5-2; 17-11)
Big ups to Donde, a true Legendary Duelist for sure. Aside from my DQ win we had the same record going into our duel and after 5 grueling matches he was the victor. Tough as nails and about as complex as a Rubix Cube, I couldn’t find any openings in his defences. The ultimate professional, he is the ‘chin up, chest out’ type of fellow. Good luck in brackets to come.
Rizen - DadLegend (5-2; 16-10)
First things first: I've already made the 'Rizen to the occasion' joke before, so I've got to think of something original to put here. I could talk about a 5 seed regularly making high Legend ranks being both terrifying and hugely impressive, but I would only do that if I were stalling for time while I try and think of another pun to make. Er... SMOKE BOMB!
TheAnarchist - Booty Sweat (5-2; 15-8)
Yuuuuurp! Tis my honor, to honor a teammate. TheAnarchist is a champ, putting a hold on another 5th seed's undefeated season. Gotta drink that Booty Sweat baby. It was also a rematch from last season, so he was hungry, bossed up, and took no prisoners. Aries himself would have had to come down from the heavens to counter TheAnarchists’ assault. We started off as eternal rivals but I’m glad to have him as a teammate. Your clutch broham: definitely an Ace in my book..
That's My Ninja!
Cody is the embodiment of a true duelist, and all things righteous in the world. He is currently up a few points within our eternal rivalry but there are more challenges to come my friend. Having a 4-2 record is short a few buckets because of a DQ win, but he still has won 68% of his matches. Trust me he does numbers, I’ve seen his wicked jump shot and cross over first hand, dude is the real deal Holyfield. Not only is he my ninja this week, he will always be my Guildmaster and dear friend. The trillest of the trill and the realest of the real. His deck brews can create some chaos for whomever is across from him. Good luck and have bacon boss man.
Tales of the Mighty: Nade Meets... Ozmanaut!
“Mental wounds still screaming, driving me insane. I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy Sylvanas League roflstomp train,” said Ozzy Ozmanaut, as he looked back at his regular season in Sylv as a rookie. “I think my next tattoo will say Texas Tan Booty Boys,” thought our king of rock and high-roll...
This guy has been performing like a true rockstar this season. I’m not too sure what a Surf Slam is, but Tan Pam’s milkshake has brought all the highly rated players to the yard, and you’re damn right that their five seed is better than yours. Ozmanaut has put yet another impressive season in the books, and he’s quickly established himself as an incredibly versatile league player. I give a lot of props to this guy, and I ain’t talkin’ clown nose and pool noodle kinda props. It’s at this point where I need to stall like Rebob because I don’t know whose line is it anyway. So let’s just do this: I ain’t talkin’.
How did you find out about THL, and why did you want to get involved?
Through the excellence factory that operates out of Augusta, GA known as Dirty Mike and the Boys. I love competition. Specifically, when it comes to deck building games, I love the challenge of outsmarting and outplaying some of the most talented Hearthstone players in the world.
Do you have any specific Hearthstone accomplishments that you’re proud of?
Ladder is fun. But, to me, preparing and playtesting for THL matchups is more essential. I've made Rank 5 4 times in my Hearthstone career, never tried to make legend. I have won a Kyoto tournament. I am EXTREMELY proud, however, of the effort/work my teammates and I put into claiming the Ragnaros League championship last season for the Texas Stubbies. Being a THL Champion is an honor and a well-earned privilege.
How would you define your play style? What about your competitive philosophy?
I am not the biggest control player. Being a budget player, control decks are relatively the more expensive kind. That being said, I play the best decks in the meta usually because winning is everything. My philosophy is don't bring decks/classes that you don't 100% believe in to get you the victory. Comfort, confidence, and belief are super important in winning each week.
What’s your favorite Hearthstone deck to play (from any era of the game)? Favorite card?
Most people hate this deck but I love the concept and viability of Jade Druid. I will be sad to see the Jade cards rotate out. My favorite card is probably Dirty Rat. High reward with a little risk. Not sure how good it'll be in a non-Razakus meta but it can really foil control decks if played smartly with other cards in your deck.
Do you have any competitive experience in other games?
Pokemon trading card game way back in the day. Spelling bee. Fantasy football. I mostly competed in physical sports growing up.
Why do you think you’ve been performing so well in Sylvanas League?
Obviously, the random number generation is a huge factor in any Hearthstone match. However, my performance is directly correlated to researching my opponents' tendencies and brainstorming matchup scenarios with teammates. Communication is key and preparation can lead to perfection.
When you’re not pwning noobs, what else do you enjoy doing on your free time?
Disc golf, graduate school, girlfriend, Fortnite, NBA 2K, Madden, family time, and eating fish sticks. Also WOOOOOOing TheAnarchist.
What’s your favorite series of THL content?
I love most of the content. My favorite has to be the team power rankings, for both Rag and Sylv.
What would you suggest to any players struggling this season?
The RNG in this virtual card game is real. So, sometimes, even the best preparation and game planning doesn't lead to results. Still, you have to dedicate a 110% of your attention to class submissions, deck building, and in-match decisions. Just remember the pain of loss and use it to improve the week after. If losing doesn't hurt, maybe you're in the wrong league.
Any shout outs you’d like to end on?
Shout out to the amazing Hearthstone players in Augusta, GA, USA. Both teams in the Ragnaros League final last year, DMB and TS, are from Augusta. This year, in Sylvanas, we've got Booty Sweat / Tan Pam Surf Slam representing Augusta and doing a damn good job. That city, and the Southeast in general, oozes Hearthstone talent.
WOOOOO well that was fun! Ragnaros League Champion, Spelling Bee participant, girlfriend haver: it all sounds like one big dream. But this is reality, folks, and my dude Ozmanaut sounds like a pretty cool cat. What did we learn from these mighty tales this week? Augusta is neat, the will of RNGesus is something we must accept, and fishsticks fuel champions.
This concludes Tales of the Mighty for Sylvanas League paired with PPR this season, however I’ll continue to reach out to playoff participates to keep the tales coming.
Until next time: get in there and fight, maggots!
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