BlueSombrero makes his blog debut with a historical ranking of players from everyone's favorite controversial Ragnaros team: Hearthstone Academy.
Hello friends of THL and welcome to some SPICY end of season content, and also my debut article. Below you will find all 18 players who have ever played a full match on Hearthstone Academy ranked 18-1, with an additional overall rating out of 10. Enjoy the ride!
Disclaimer: These rankings are not necessarily reflective of player skill and performance.
#18 - Arcturus
Uh oh. Replacing 3 seed Sage in week 9 of season 6, Arcturus found himself banned for a week after sending a few too many Doge memes, resulting in a scramble for a 3 seed to be able to play in the finals against the newbie terrors Dirty Mike & The Boys. Troubled times for the Academy boys. Legends say that in Sage’s super secret saucy server, if you look closely enough in night mode, you can see his silhouette under the glistening moonlight.
Rate: 3/10, he won some games at least.
#17 - Dunamis
This Hombre played in the 2 seed for HSA in season 7 (the Forbidden Season), with a poor result of 1-5. Looks like his Hombre instincts prevented him from winning. Some say, after week 7, he vanished to never be seen again.
#16 - THLeumer
Leumer played weeks 7-9 in the 4 seed in the Forbidden Season, going 1-1. His ranking tanked because he had a DQ loss in week 8. Shame, Leumer. Shame. #DQShaming
#15 - Catota
Wowee! Another Forbidden Season member! We can all learn from our mistakes, Sage. Catota played in the 3 seed, with a respectable score of 3-5. He had a DQ loss against our favorite Blizzard employee Alec in week 2 though, so screw him. #DQShaming
#14 - b0rck
b0rck’s been around longer than most of us, playing on teams like the Hairy Generals and also other teams probably. b0rck is a cool California kid who played in the 4 seed seasons 6 and 8. He also played for the H*ckbois in season 7. If you don’t know who or what the H*ckbois were, we were basically HSA but cooler. We were also 4/5s of some part of the season 6 HSA roster. That was the place to be in season 7. Unfortunately, b0rck had two DQ losses in seasons 7 and 8 so his favor has taken a nosedive. #DQShaming. Stay tubular, b0rck.
#13 - BitBeaker
BitBeaker subbed in for Skritch week 1 of season 8. He won 3-1, and currently boasts a 100% match winrate on HSA. Go, BitBeaker! Thanks for the points :)
#12 - Ultimate
Ultimate is currently the 2 seed for HSA. He’s going 4-4, which is astonishingly horrible for an HSA member. After your third loss in a season, you’re lucky to not get replaced. Especially continuing the legacy of all the great two seeds who have played for HSA, Ulti better 3-0 these playoffs and make us proud. Can I get a #threepeat?
Rate: 7/10, cool dude
#11 - Zimas
Good ol’ Zimmy! We’re getting into the range of HSA members who are so cool that I don’t care about their score. Zimmis, aka Budget Skritch, played for the second half of season 6 and most of the Forbidden Season. Zimess was a part of the golden age of HSA, also known as the first two seasons. Zimmas was a fun guy to have around and I believe the oldest player to play for HSA. Go, Zymyce!
#10 - Laxlie
Laxlie replaced Dunamis in the last two weeks of the Forbidden Season, going 1-1 with a HOT victory over Hockeyboyz3. Laxlie has no real reason to be up this high other than the fact that his name is really cool. Laxlie. Laxlie! :)
#9 - MeMyselfandI
Why is MMI at #9? This pea-brained nerd only wins from dumb luck. If you prepped for 30 hours a week for one match you’d have a decent winrate too. MMI played seasons 5, 7, 8, and 10. The fact that he played in the Forbidden Season tanks this ranking pretty hard. Stay in school, kids.
#8 - bluesombrero
I assume everyone knows everything about me THL-wise because I’m clearly the most popular THLer. Wappa wappa, baby. I came in mid-season 6 and helped HSA get their second championship with a score of 5-2. I’m at #9 because I suck at this game and haven’t actually played on HSA for two seasons, but I’m definitely above that dirty season 7’er. #HECKBOISFORLIFE #GlitterMothOrSocialButterfly?
#7 - TwoStarMako
Wowza, Mako. Mako started off season 10 with a 7-0 streak, which is pretty hot. He lost in week 8, so he’s the recipient of the Whip for this week. Ouch, I do not miss that bad boy. Mako is a Spanish teacher IRL, which fits because HSA is all little children. Stay winning, Mako.
#6 - Skritch
Skritch skratch itch atch! THL’s famous 5 seed has been coming in HOT this season with a record of 7-1. He’s broken the 300 PR mark but is still a 5 seed somehow. Skritch is one of the 5 OG HSA boys, which is pretty cool. He beat MMI in a bo5 during MCL Season Alpha. We’ll never forget that one. #TeensOfTHL
#5 - SAGE
WOWZA SAGE! Sage is the 5 time captain of Hearthstone Academy and the 1 time captain of Jumbo Skrimps, whatever the hell that was. Sage has often played in the 3 seed for HSA and hasn’t done too shabby there. Without Sage’s presence, HSA discord wouldn’t be the place it is. Studies have shown that his existence boosts team spirit. What’s that? STEAM SPIRIT? Choo choo, homies. While Sage is pretty awesome, he doesn’t take the cake because he tanked his PR in season 9 to create the monster HSA currently is. Stay legitimate, folks.
#4 - Brewski
This guy, along with Skritch, MMI, and Sage, was the 1 seed for the season 5 squad. He played full-time in seasons 5 and 6, helping secure the championships both seasons. He left for the H*ckbois season 7, but then betrayed the brotherhood for the Whims the next two seasons. Big mistake, buddy (HSA hasn’t won championships since, coincidence?). Look where you fall for me now. Brewski went 9-0 during the regular season of season 9, which is pretty insane. He’s really just MMI but better. And his dog is cute.
#3 - Tiramisu
Slurp slop! This delicious dessert became sentient and played in the 5 seed during the Forbidden Season, going 5-3. I’m completely biased because of his name, just like Laxlie. Laxlie! Tiramisu! Now I want some dessert...
#2 - Yellowdart
Where do I begin with YellowDart? The de facto core of Hearthstone Academy, YellowDart has played since Season 6 finals until he left the team after season 6 finals. After Arcturus’s ban, Sage, Hockeyboyz, and myself put in hours to find the talent needed to fill Arcturus’s crucial role. We inquired to personalities such as DrJ, Kripp, and DisguisedToast. YellowDart actually said yes to us, and then WON, so screw those streamers. YellowDart has a 100% HSA winrate and is currently the man every HSA player dreams to be (sorry, Bit). Plus, he had just come back from DH Atlanta. That’s a lot of ‘Stone!
#1 - Jaybie
WOOF WOOF! Jaybie’s iconic profile picture of a dog still blesses my dreams to this day. Jaybie was the best of the best, and always cheered everyone up. One day, in season 6, Jaybie asked Sage for a week off to get some cigarettes, but he never came back. Sage only planned to sub me in for him for one week, but, to this day, I still play my matches in hope that Jaybie will knock on the front door, with that pack of cigarettes, and say, “Step aside, nerds. ” Please come back, Jaybie...
Honorable Mention: Hockeyboyz3
After Skritch left for Japan and MMI for band camp in season 6, Hockeyboyz3 came to fill that gap in the discord. He helped with the Eridan Scramble and lots of prep work. Thanks, Hockey.
Rate: 1/10 for misleading name, turns out there’s not actually 3 boys behind the screen.
Thanks for reading, and I hope you’re also craving some tiramisu now. Hopefully you have some more knowledge on two time Rag League champions Hearthstone Academy, its history, and its players. See you next time if I do another stupid article like this!
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